Cleaning House

I flew into Las Vegas to essentially go to my Mom's funeral, and clear her entire presence from her apartment. Cleaning the house forever of someone you love is a very unpleasant thing to do.

What do you save? What do you throw away? What do you save that will sit like a lump of coal in your heart AND your garage? What will you throw away that you will hate yourself for later?

I took some things; some things I took and left with my brother out of the pure reason that I couldn't take them NOW, and other things, we left & gave away. I'm happy with most of the decisions we made in that week. I still miss some of the things we gave away, and some of the things that sit in my brothers garage. But every time I come home I take a few things with me, and that makes her all the more close to me in my new home.

Some of the things I did find (and subsequently take) were greeting cards. She had a whole box filled with them, probably about 40. My Mom was pretty great about sending hand-written cards. Perhaps because you couldn't talk back to a greeting card! She was a beautiful writer.

Some were just beautiful photographs of nature, animals. Some were hand painted flowers, others were eco-friendly sustainable wood cards! She had a HUGE variety. Others I found, were obviously for my brother and his new nuclear family-to-be (Amaya hadn't graced us yet!). Some just said, "Happy Birthday", others were funny cards about men & women (we all know whose side my Mom was on, right??!!)

At first, I took the cards specifically for the reason that Sam could still get his cards from Mom for these specified reasons (Christmas, the birth of Miss Amaya), via the "Hotline to Heaven". Later, I found myself looking at what I perceived to be cards meant for me. I wanted to share a few of them here so you could see the complexities, compassion, and determination to make things right my Mom had.

How to please a woman?

Love her, die for her, take her to dinner, miss the football for her, buy her jewelry, be interested in what she has to say...

How to please a man?

Show up naked, bring beer

(Picture of a sad bird with head fallen between shoulders) I'm sorry.

(inside) You're always right and I'm always wrong. You're the best and I'm the worst. You're great at everything and I suck at everything. Are you happy now?

(Letterpress stationary with a beautiful flower scene & a skunk).

(inside) I stink. I'm sorry.

(person holding a red rose) I'm trying.

(inside) And you know how trying I can be!

I don't exercise.

If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

(beautiful bronze falling leaves) My friend is one who takes me for what I am.

(2 Antelopes with horns locked) I hate it when we lock horns.

(Hand drawn pictures of all four seasons)

(inside) I can't believe it's been so long since we talked.

Metallic celestial sun

(inside) You're the light of my life

There are a ton of just blank cards with beautiful pictures on them. I have used MANY of the cards...most of them have been PERFECT for the situation I gave them out in. Even a card for dealing with the grief of a lost, loved one. Which I gave to my friend who lost her baby. Actually, that's why I was looking through my Mom's cards today was because it was the 2 year date of when she lost Luis.

And you know what?

I found the perfect card.

Video Updates Part Zwei

...and just because Emma likes to ALWAYS remind me that SHE walked first...here's a recap of Emma's first steps.

Hopefully, I can someday add a video of Romy walking...until then, here's my little miss beauty:

Video Update

As promised, video of Henry walking...he gets a little too excited at the end!

We've got a walker!

I'm shocked because I really thought Romy would walk first, and Henry would talk first...but to my amazement Henry started walking at 10 months 13 days. Pretty exact to Emma's first steps, too!

Of course I'm late in posting this (big shocker, eh?), and I'm not able to post the proper video, but I just wanted to share the news.

Romy still doesn't even stand alone really, and is perfectly content being carried around in someone's arms or crawling and inching along the walls to her final destination.

I can't believe they will be one year old soon. I would love to say the time flew...

Twins Suck

Did you know that?

Did you know that twins means TWO BABIES at all times?

I bet you thought you knew that...but you never actually had two babies around you ALL THE TIME WITHOUT EVER HAVING A BREAK, so you didn't really know that two was really two.

I'm so tired. I'm tired of these babies that give me no relief. They wear me out everyday. I'm living in Groundhog Day hell. They are the shittiest sleepers and, oh, did I mention they're two? So when you have one shitty sleeper, they usually very nicely wake the other shitty sleeper up too.

I wake up everyday, after waking up 5 times a night for Henry, and wish I could run away with my life. Really, I do. I check out ticket prices to LA, and think...hmmm, should I take Emma with me? Yes. Should I take Christian with me? No, someone has to look after the babies! SEE, I'm not all bad! I care about their welfare!

I'm so damn tired. I don't have time for anything. I would LOVE to go to the bathroom without four hands trying to beat down the door if I DARED to close it. Or to hang my wet laundry (yup, I said that - welcome to Europe, the 3rd world country), without having babies rip down everything that I just hung up. Maddening.

I'm away from all my friends, I'm away from my family. Can you imagine NEVER getting a break from your kid(s)? I mean like seriously, who lives like that?

Emma is adorable with them, my only saving grace. And how she earned her ticket with me on the plane to LA in my daydream runaway. But to forget who you are as a person is a horribly, rotten thing to happen. I'm no longer Jenn. I'm Emma Rey's mama, or the twins' mama. I'm not really Christian's wife - except for occasionally, but most people know me by the other descriptions.

My pity party is not over. It won't be over until these bastards are sleeping good, less cranky, and HE stops screeching in my ear the whole damn day! Do I just have loser twins that are loud - I mean LOUD, and shitty sleepers? I see my friend's baby, Livia, and she is always - ALWAYS so quiet, with this perfect little smirk on her face like she's thinking, "hmmm, I'm glad I'm here and not there (pointing her cute little finger into my stroller!".

Hmmpf.

out.

Die Emma war hier

All in all it was a WONDERFUL visit. Family, friends, and shopping!!!

Of course, it was all too short, too. Family, friends, and shopping :(

It was a strange, and nice feeling being with her in a place that I know and love so well. Not that she could really comprehend such a concept, but having her in LA, going to places I also love going was a really great feeling for me.

I was able to see a few of you over the holidays, but a bunch of you were sick or away over Thanksgiving. It was awesome to catch up with the ones I could, and if I missed you, well, I really MISS you, still. *sniff sniff*

Emma did fabulous, and had a bit of a difficult time adjusting back to Frankfurt time, but missed her brother & sister and was THRILLED to be back in Papi's arms!

"Emma was here".

Disneyland!

Hey Everyone,

I'm still catching you up on our US visit, then I'll catch you up on all things Frankfurt 2012.

We were lucky enough to get to go to Disneyland with my Brother, his wife, and my niece while we were out in LA. Sam's neighbors (Husband & Wife) both work for Disney and scored us some free passes so we could enjoy the sun Disney style.

THANK GOD, too. Because I was getting so desperate to take her to someplace like this, I was ALMOST going to take her to Disneyland in Paris - PUKE!!! Who wants their first trip to Disneyland to be in French. Peeeeee Ewwwww! That's French for, "No Thank You".

I thought that because we went on "Black Friday" that Disneyland would be relatively uncrowded...big mistake, HUGE, big. Lines were 50 minutes deep - for the kiddie ones, too! :(

Let's ride the tram.....wheeeeeee!

Nobody forget we parked in Eyore, or was it Mickey, oh hell.

At first she patiently waited for the rides.

Later, she was like a wild, rabid dog trying to bend through the bars.

It wasn't a pretty sight.

You gotta love "It's a small world".

Seriously, you gotta.

If you don't you're like a Communist or something.

Seriously.

Loves these pics.

M-I-C, See you real soon!

K-E-Y, WHY? Because we love you.

M-O-U-S-E