Emma Rey Red Feather

Here is the poster we made for her "Pin the Tail on" game...

Easy way to personalize the party theme, too!

Emma's 3rd Birthday Party

My little baby turned 3!  

Emma is cray cray right now about all things Indian.  Native, that is!  She adores this cartoon called, Yakari, here in Germany so we just HAD to have a  "Yakari Birthday Party" - as she called it.  Mama called it, get all the Native American themed shit you can find and pass it off as Yakari party.  Meh, I suppose her way sounded better...

I started by giving Emme her own "indian name":  Emma Rey Red Feather

2 cakes!  And yes, both had Gummi Bears!

 The kids had a great time.  We did warrior face paint, and I pre-cut construction paper so they could each make their own head dresses adorned with feathers and crayons, Emma's of course was made by Mama!!

My friend, Sandra and her baby Jonas.
No, I didn't have a 4th, that's Merla!

Oma & Opa holding down the fort at the Kiddie Table

 Hajo & Dolly came down to help us out with the last week of a FOUR WEEK PROCESS of integrating the twins into their Daycare program.  You start with only an hour and a half, and work your way S.L.O.W.L.Y up to the whole day at the end of the 4 weeks.  Bwahhhh.  Do we do that, too??

Enthusiastic Emma with one of her presents

We played: Pin the Feather on Emma Rey Red Feather!

 With help from my Dad, I made Emma her own "pin the tail on" game poster.  Her little face with the coolest, biggest headdress we could find!  The kids had to pin a feather onto the feathers on the poster to win the prize.  We even had some of the adults try too, including myself, and out of all of us, Anton (pic above) was the best!!

Here's the poster I made for the game

Christian attempting to steal the spotlight

My Pied Piper british friend taking the kids
on a Magic Picnic Blanket ride!

Everyone had a great time, the weather was awesome.  Which was surprising because the days leading up to, and the very next day after were HORRIBLE.

Happy Birthday, Emma!!!

Henry's in the Hospital

The title pretty much says it all.  

The night of Emma's birthday party was horrible for Henry.  

Coughing, screaming, crying, stretching like he was in pain.  All of this isn't so unusual for us, but by 2 a.m. we knew it was more than the usual.  By 5 a.m. he  had been admitted to the local hospital with a heart rate of over 200, and breathing 4 times as fast as he should.  His poor little chest was puffing so fast, it just broke my heart.  He was white as a ghost and pissed (also due to lack of sleep FROM this horrible night).  He was immediately placed on oxygen because he wasn't receiving enough, and an IV of antibiotics and cortisone to open his lungs.  This was the beginning of a new kind of horrible experience for us.

And you would have NEVER guessed it by looking at the birthday party photos the day before.  

At least SOMEONE loved my bluebird costume!!

Since 5 weeks old Henry has had a wet cough.  We took him to Doctor(s), and even to the hospital once before, and they all just told me he's a "happy wheezer".  My pediatrician said the words, "It's his "thing"."  Um, mucus in throat is his thing??  And he was always a horrible sleeper, see ALL previous posts to attest this!  He would cough himself awake, and then begin this horrible cycle of trying to fall back asleep, only to cough himself awake again, only to aggravate his mood and repeat the cycle.  Awful.

I started doing research a few months ago because I just never believed this whole "happy wheezer" thing, and he just didn't seem healthy to me.  One thing here about socialized medicine that sucks is that the Doctor's have no fear of repercussions against their poor diagnoses.  So they pacify your complaints as if you just picked some random disease in the medical journal to claim your child has it.  On top of which, most of this is done in German!!  My German now is pretty proficient, on things which I speak of everyday, medical terms are not one of them.  So I often ask the Doctor's to speak in English but they have the same problem, except reverse the language...so I'm stuck in German speaking about what my son could possibly have.

Bringing it back to the hospital visit.  He stayed for 6 days.  4 of which he was on oxygen the entire time, all of which he received cortisone and antibiotics for the pneumonia he was later diagnosed with.  We had to do breathing treatments with him 4 times a day, and that was.a.fight.  He fights with the same power from the first second, to the last.

Of course one of us always had to be with him there, and I had just started back to work (so not really the time to take off - of course I could have, but was trying to make it all work), we have 2 other kids, and my husband works, oh, and NO FAMILY TO HELP US.  It was awful.  It's also just plain ol' awful being in a hospital with other sick kids.

And they attempted yet again to tell me that he was just a "happy wheezer", and pacify my complaints as I read the internet too often.  I got into it with one of the student doctors - because of COURSE this was a teaching hospital - of course in German, because we all know everyone learns "cut downs" first in a language!  haha.

At this point I had done plenty of my own research, I was/am convinced Henry has Asthma.  He has about 7 signs of the 9 listed signs on American Asthma Association's website.  Not that that should be convincing, but I live with him EVERY DAY.  These "signs" are a way of life for us, however that means nothing to Doctor's who go to school to tell me: "I don't know what he has".  Um, ok thanks.

Another problem is that Doctor's don't like to diagnose Asthma in babies so small.  Really, until 4 years old they're scarce to make that diagnoses in any child.  However, that doesn't mean that's NOT what he has, just because they're unwilling to make the actual diagnoses!!!

This last Doctor told me, "well, if he shows chronic infections, that could mean he has Asthma".  I countered, "how many chronic infections?", she," 4 or more in a year".  me,"um, he has Pneumonia NOW, and I told you he had Bronchitis 2 times in Winter.  THAT'S 3!!!!!  Do you mean because he's missing ONE MORE CHRONIC INFECTION HE DOESN'T HAVE ASTHMA????".  her, "hmmm, good point".  Kill.me.now.  - no, wait, I.AM.GONNA.KILL.U.NOW.

So, he came home after 6 days with no medicine because he's a "happy wheezer" and I'm a crazy Mama.  3 days later he was admitted back to the hospital, the only thing that saved us was the fact he didn't need oxygen.  He didn't have to stay long.

I called Henry's Doctor, took off my earrings, rolled up my sleeves, and prepared for a fight.  I wanted him to have this breathing machine that he used in the Hospital - it was the only thing that I felt really helped him.  My previous attempts to get this machine had been met with a firm NO.  I wasn't taking no this time.

I won't bore you with the details, or of how I asked to see his Medical License.  :)  Needless to say, I got the machine.  And the treatment for Asthma that goes into the machine.  He has really flourished, and although his breathing problems haven't gone away totally.  The nights are much better.  He can typically sleep through the nights now (last night wasn't so, and he had a fever this morning), but we are seeing some progress and that's what counts.

I feel like from beginning April until literally, right now has been a blur.  Starting work again, doing the "transitional time" with the babies to slowly integrate them into the daycare (one month long!), 2 separate birthday parties, 3 people visiting us, Henry's hospital visit, existing with the 2 girls.

I just don't know how much more we can take.  I truly thought when they got into the daycare, things would settle down.  My head is spinning everyday, all day.  Christian's too.  He's such a champ.  We don't have time to cry, or to enjoy the kids, we just have to keep moving all the time - or I feel like we will collapse and not get up.

I wish I had time to cry now, but I have 2 hours before I work and they need to be spent cleaning.
ugh.

1 Year Old...We Made It!

Of course this is coming to you a bit late, but it was truly hectic around here lately with the Birthday Party, Easter with guests, Christian's Aunt visiting from Texas.

My babies aren't babies anymore (well, according to Dr. Spock, Dr. Sears, and any other prominent Child Development Doctor!) They are ONE YEAR OLD!!

We celebrated on their birthday, April 7th, here at home with a select few of people who had done small and big things for us during the most difficult year of our lives. I said that I was happy to be out of that year, happy to still be married, and happy to still overall be HAPPY. Times were rough, self-esteem was for the birds, it was survival in the most basic mode...but we survived.

There are pics from the party, but I'm deciding to post these. I have these from all my kids now to celebrate THEIR accomplishments and personalities at their one year anniversary.

Enjoy meeting Henry & Romy!

Karneval!

While we don't have Halloween here in Germany, we do have a time for the kids to dress up - and eat sweet things!

Karneval, or "Fasching" as it's known here in Germany follows the same Carnival dates as in Rio, or Mardi Gras in Louisianna. February 20-22. (Yes, this post is late, I know already!)

Street parades, candy thrown from floats, kids (and adults) dressed up in costume - although it's a pleasant break from seeing all the adults in "sexy nurse" or "sexy firewoman", or "sexy everything"! Also being thrown from the floats are tiny bottles of Schnapps! Fun for all! The last Fasching's Parade I went to had paper mache of Obama & Merkel duking it out! Hilarious!

They celebrate it at the pre-schools here with the kids dressing up and doing fun foods for the day.

So, with all my free time I have I wanted to make Emma her own costume. I found a beautiful one here from Prudent Baby that looked amazingly fun for my little girl.

So off I went - with all my free time (can you hear me choking those words out?)...

And the result was...hmmm, I think the pictures say it better than me:

I definitely faced some resistance putting it initially on her,

but I thought, "Oh, she'll see the other kids in costumes and BECOME ok with it".

STILL hoping for the reluctance to leave us...

Emma's best friend, Lili trying also to convince her of the fun to be had in costume!

Thanks, Ladybug Lili!

"I don't care what you say, this SUCKS!"

My kid? Um, yeah.

She desperately was trying to pull off/rip off anything she could. The white bird front part got pushed up over her belly in her attack of resistance.

Lesson #1 Learned: I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it.

Thank you, Bill Cosby...truer words have never been spoken.

Lesson #2 Learned: Buying off the rack never hurt NOBODY.

Hello sexy bird costume next year...

In a horrible p.s. to this, all the Teachers told me what a great "penguin" she was!

Really??

Cleaning House

I flew into Las Vegas to essentially go to my Mom's funeral, and clear her entire presence from her apartment. Cleaning the house forever of someone you love is a very unpleasant thing to do.

What do you save? What do you throw away? What do you save that will sit like a lump of coal in your heart AND your garage? What will you throw away that you will hate yourself for later?

I took some things; some things I took and left with my brother out of the pure reason that I couldn't take them NOW, and other things, we left & gave away. I'm happy with most of the decisions we made in that week. I still miss some of the things we gave away, and some of the things that sit in my brothers garage. But every time I come home I take a few things with me, and that makes her all the more close to me in my new home.

Some of the things I did find (and subsequently take) were greeting cards. She had a whole box filled with them, probably about 40. My Mom was pretty great about sending hand-written cards. Perhaps because you couldn't talk back to a greeting card! She was a beautiful writer.

Some were just beautiful photographs of nature, animals. Some were hand painted flowers, others were eco-friendly sustainable wood cards! She had a HUGE variety. Others I found, were obviously for my brother and his new nuclear family-to-be (Amaya hadn't graced us yet!). Some just said, "Happy Birthday", others were funny cards about men & women (we all know whose side my Mom was on, right??!!)

At first, I took the cards specifically for the reason that Sam could still get his cards from Mom for these specified reasons (Christmas, the birth of Miss Amaya), via the "Hotline to Heaven". Later, I found myself looking at what I perceived to be cards meant for me. I wanted to share a few of them here so you could see the complexities, compassion, and determination to make things right my Mom had.

How to please a woman?

Love her, die for her, take her to dinner, miss the football for her, buy her jewelry, be interested in what she has to say...

How to please a man?

Show up naked, bring beer

(Picture of a sad bird with head fallen between shoulders) I'm sorry.

(inside) You're always right and I'm always wrong. You're the best and I'm the worst. You're great at everything and I suck at everything. Are you happy now?

(Letterpress stationary with a beautiful flower scene & a skunk).

(inside) I stink. I'm sorry.

(person holding a red rose) I'm trying.

(inside) And you know how trying I can be!

I don't exercise.

If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

(beautiful bronze falling leaves) My friend is one who takes me for what I am.

(2 Antelopes with horns locked) I hate it when we lock horns.

(Hand drawn pictures of all four seasons)

(inside) I can't believe it's been so long since we talked.

Metallic celestial sun

(inside) You're the light of my life

There are a ton of just blank cards with beautiful pictures on them. I have used MANY of the cards...most of them have been PERFECT for the situation I gave them out in. Even a card for dealing with the grief of a lost, loved one. Which I gave to my friend who lost her baby. Actually, that's why I was looking through my Mom's cards today was because it was the 2 year date of when she lost Luis.

And you know what?

I found the perfect card.

Video Updates Part Zwei

...and just because Emma likes to ALWAYS remind me that SHE walked first...here's a recap of Emma's first steps.

Hopefully, I can someday add a video of Romy walking...until then, here's my little miss beauty: